Big Brother 11 Week 10 :: Jordan is a Baller

So here it is: the culmination of another Big Brother Summer all about to happen and is anyone really happy about the outcome? This mildly amused (devastatingly handsome) and slightly interested viewer couldn't have more of an apathetic disposition when it comes to the final 3. This was totally an explosive season of Big Brother with some twists and turns none of us could have seen coming. We found a hunk we could drool over and fantasize about having him tending to our gardens as well as watched a destroyed, denied and dismissed Diva who has got be sitting in front of her TV with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a side of regret.

We saw some extremely high tense fights that could possible rank right up there with a good UFC match, which reminds me we got see Russell the Love Mussel getting backdoored by Jeff and is still considered the biggest mistake of the summer, although it has made for some great dirty comedy. Russell was a wronged player this summer and I know I hated to see him shuffled off to the Jury house, but I have no shame in saying on Tuesday when I meet him, I will for sure be asking him if he wants to take a ride on My Disco Stick, maybe just as a consolation prize.

Back to our final three and their uninteresting lives. After Michelle left the house it seemed there was immediately a very strange dynamic in the house and I don't know how to put my finger on it - maybe in it, but not on it. These three just seem like such unlikely and undeserving finalists. Natalie is still lying and deceiving even though it is just down to the three of them; I just don't get her, does she really think it is going to be to her advantage to continue fooling Jordan, at this point I am certain she just lies for sport. Jordan, as sweet as she is, just seems like she is as clueless as the day she walked in the house which makes me feel bad for her but at the same time, what the F is she doing in the final three? Kevin, who at this point is probably the best "game" player left in the house, just doesn't do it for me, I can't seem to get happy about wanting him to win and trust me I have tried but even the Jack Daniels/Vicoden smoothie isn't working so I am hunting a new cocktail for Tuesday night, any suggestions?

So let's recap, Michelle is out the door and the HGs have started an endurance competition which is the first in a series of three that will determine who is sitting in front of this year's unusually strange and self-adoring Jury. They are grasping at a key above their heads and trying to remain on their feet as giant log spins under them. Of course Kevin is our victor and to no surprise, I am sure this isn't the first giant log on which Kevin has spent all night. Our sweetheart Jordan was the first to fall because as we have seen time and time again the girl just can't hang. What does this mean? Well basically it gets a little confusing now, so I will try and explain it as if you are Jessie and I am the steroid dealer.

Since Kevin won the first competition he does not take part in the second; only Jordan and Natalie will compete in comp number 2. The winner of that will then compete in a third and final comp against Kevin, and the winner of Comp 3 will become the new HOH and decide who gets evicted and who goes to the final 2 with her (yes I said her, come on now the closest thing in the house left to a him is Natalie.) Are you confused? If so don't worry about it because like I already said, none of them deserve it anyway so basically at this point it is kinda like the end of bad sex, you can't wait for it to be over and you keep wishing Jeff was still there.

So now it is time for competition number two which is oh so important; I do have the strange feeling that Jordan is just going to let me down... again! Basically the gist of it is this: rolling some balls up to a hole, the balls have the names of the former HOH's from this season and you must get them in the correct order of their reign. Turns out Jordan is really fantastic at handling the Houseguests' balls because she pulls it out and Kicks the Gnats Ass. I definitely would say it did bring some happy to my face to see her win this one and a little happy to my pants because I kept getting to talk about Jeff's balls. Ok, ok, ok, no more ball jokes, but come on, who doesn't love a good ball joke?

So where do we go from here? Tuesday night's episode will be Kevin and Jordan battling it out for the top position (guessing this is the first time Kevin has battled to be on top, but thats just my opinion.) Lets run a couple scenarios and try to figure out exactly what we want to happen. Obviously we don't want Natalie to win, I swear after last weeks prediction that I wrote I was certain I was going to get some hate mail from Natalie's fans, NOT ONE! Could anyone be as disliked as this girl (except for Jessie of course.) I am going to be rooting for our girl Jordan to win; I really would like to have her making the decisions, I know she will take Kevin to the final 2 because she really doesn't know how to strategize and her decision will just be based on the fact that she doesn't like Natalie. If Kevin wins I haven't a clue what his decision will be, he has such a hard time making up his mind and simply goes back and forth all the time, he is so like a woman (LOL, I just made myself giggle). He does have a lot to weigh in on because there are so many variables with the jury - no telling how those crazy bitches will vote. Typically it should be based on how well you played the game, but I am afraid this year the voting is going to be extra-personal.

There is one exciting turn of events, because of our favorite HG, Chima, getting expelled from the game we all, as in America, get to cast the 7th Jury vote. I for one will be casting a vote or two online and I am not ashamed to say that it will be for Jordan. I don't think she has played a very good game, and far she is the least deserving to win the money based on her performance, but hey, she is cute, broke and I am a sucker for the one on the bottom. Oh wait... did I get that wrong... is it I am a bottom that sucks, or a sucker that bottoms..., anyway I think you get the picture. If not let me know and I will email it to you. No matter who you want to win be sure you watch Tuesday's two hour finale - you will see some old friends in the studio audience, possibly yours truly!

Hope you have enjoyed my take on the latter half of Big Brother 11. Please let me know what you think and if you would like to have me back next season, because, y'all did hear, CBS confirmed that there will be a Big Brother 12 - YEAH!!!!

Until next Year...
Steven from BB10